Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
