im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's never too late to be topless.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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