It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
