alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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