real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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