Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
