You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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