I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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