No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
