I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
