just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
