Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
