If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
