Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
