We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
