Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
