Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
