I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
