why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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