And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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