The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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