stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
