Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
