community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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