the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize