My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
