My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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