I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
