I am puke
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
