Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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