2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
