I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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