That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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