I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
