I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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