I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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