If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
