I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
