My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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