there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
