I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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