just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
