That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
