I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
