He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
