Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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