Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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