You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
