i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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