i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
