matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
