Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
