I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
