i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
