so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
