They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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