Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
