Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
