i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
