eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
