I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
