I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
