I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
