Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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