I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
