Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
