I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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