if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize