so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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