my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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