I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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