im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
