maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
