A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
