You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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