He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
