theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my poor anus
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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