I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
