She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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