No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
