I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dick very happy bro
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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