Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
